There are many challenges in being single and living for God, the most pressing one being the fight within. The fight to deny ones own desires in order to preserve ones integrity in his or her relationship with God; is an old story and a constant fight.
Being a man I must speak from a male’s perspective. What we must understand first of all is that man fundamentally, is a sexual being. He is endowed with the drive and prowess for frequent conquest. Meaning, it is built into him to engage in sexual relationship. However, this engagement is meant to take place between a man and his wife. However, just because he is built this way, does not mean that it is a license to participate in every manner of sexual immorality.
Now, I cannot speak about sex and God without speaking about the enemy which is the Devil. Anything that God has setup to benefit man; the enemy takes it and perverts it. Therefore, God made sex to be shared between a man and his wife. The enemy comes and adds lust and now we have an epidemic of sexual immorality, and this is in the church. I don’t have the statistics, but teenage pregnancy is rising in the church by leaps and bounds; mainly because of what the adults are doing. If we are not willing to be examples of God’s ability to keep us, why do we expect our children to do so? We all need examples, someone to show us that it is possible to live for God and be single.
Living single in today’s society is a challenge, but it is not difficult.Since sex is the main problem with living single, I have started with it.
The first thing one must do in order to live for God and maintain a holy lifestyle; free from sex; is to want to live single without sex.“ For it there be first a willing mind, it is accepted according to that a man hath, and not according to that he hath not (2 Corinthians 8:12),” “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass(Psalms 37:5).” The power of desire to do something is a strong deterrent; however, if you do not want to do it you will not do it.
The next thing is to acknowledge your weakness in this area, and bring it to God.“ Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7).” “For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day (2 Timothy 1:12).” When you give something to the Lord, you must believe and trust that He will keep it for you. However, you cannot give it to Him and then take it back; and expect Him to continue keeping you. When you get serious with Him, He gets serious with you.
Though it is possible to be single and not have sex without salvation, this is usually because of a lack of opportunity or fear. In order to truly be free to live a holy life before the Lord you must be apart of Him. In other words, you have to be saved, and filled with His Holy Spirit. “But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his (Romans 8:9).” With the Spirit of Christ comes power.Power to deny your own desire, however, we must begin to believe in that power. If you have something, you asked for, but you do not believe you received it; will you use it? The body of Christ is filled with people who do not believe in the power Christ has given them.
Sex is not the enemy.God has given it to us to enjoy, however, He has also given us rules to govern it. “Wherefore lay apart (aside) all filthiness and superfluity (something unnecessary) of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls (James 1:21).”
If sex is committed outside of marriage, it is filthiness and fornication.“ Flee fornication.Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornicationsinneth against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).” If Christ told us not to do something, He has given us the power not to do it.
Being single is a beautiful thing. You have the freedom to do what you will, to serve God without distraction. However, in order to live single you must start with a single mind. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:8) “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee (Isaiah 26:3).”
One of the difficult things about living single is all the stimuli we have in the world, and all the friends we do not want to give up who are in the world. In other words, distractions will keep us from our ability to live single and holy.
One of the first things I had to do, in order to live single, and holy is to give up all distractions and influences that could persuade me; to return to the things I was giving up. If you have friends that are not living the life, you desire to live; you must give them up, or keep them at arms length. The power of persuasion is a great deferent to living the kind of life God has called you to live. “They shall not dwell in thy land, lest they make thee sin against me: for if thou serve their gods, it will surely be a snare unto thee (Exodus 23:33).” Therefore, anyone who does not have a personal relationship with Christ; should not be in your inner circle of friends.
The one thing you could do to make this easier, is to stop thinking of yourself as single. Think of yourself as in a relationship with the Lord. He is constantly with you, He never leaves you, and He is ever present with you. You are not alone.
Not being in a relationship does not mean you are single. If you are still pining over a lost lover, you are not single. If when you see this person you still have a feeling that rises up in you, you are not single. If you are still angry and have not forgiving this person or persons, you are not single. You are still attached to them, by anger, by love, and by desire. Until you can think on this person, or see this person and have no reaction at all, you are not single. Wherefore, if you go into another relationship, and you have not released the other person; you will not have a successful relationship. Mainly because you will compare your next relationship, with your last relationship. Therefore, you must become single, before starting a new relationship.
Being single speaks to having a single mind. Not being divided by thought, action, or feeling. “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord (Corinthians 7:32).” Therefore, a single-minded person cares only for the things that will please the Lord, not him/herself or another. Also, being single is more than not being with someone.